So much has happened...my TLO, my TL.5, my TLts, closing, and learning.
Spop 8 i was done and to be honest it was tough! it was a different dynamic and a knowing that my staffing was done for the year! it was a hard realization but the spoppers i had made everything so worthwhile! it was an amazing run and i glad it ended the way it did.
10.5 was the last .5 of 2008 and it was off the hook! Laguna Lalloskaters!!! hitting up the skate rink in fountain valley with some of the most amazing staffers and people i have met made this experience all the more worthwhile. ending on a high note in Jack-in-the-Box at 6 am the next day.
spop 10 talent show was sick! i got to perform my last spopapella solo of Gold Year. it was so moving that i was still shaking after i sat down. Stacy and I together worked out our solos and it was the most flawless spopapella of Gold Year. after the talent show got to my My legendary grandpa Ray-ray on my spmomma's side and my GREAT-grandma Tiffanie Gibson and my grandpa Kevin Sui on my sp-dad's side! i am so glad i get to continue their legacy
Closing was not as emotional as i thought it was going to be, which was sad cuz i was prepared but also nice because everyone was really happy. hannah's going away party and shane's birthday party were that night. so much fun...no need to say more.
after all is said and done, i have learned so much! throughout all the drama this year it was really life-changing, a once in a lifetime experience, self-realizing, and self-accomplished.
i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has impacted my life so positively!
thank you coords for feeling that i was right for this staff and giving me a glimpse of what it is like to run this program.
thank you to those returners for showing me how to be a great returner and thank you to some returners for showing me how not to be a returner.
thank you to those staffers that kept true to themselves and enjoyed this program as much as i did. you definitely showed me how to be a good person and a great staffer.
thank you to those staffers that showed me that i am a better staffer and a better person.
everyone in this experience gave me the motivation and confidence to believe in myself, trust in myself, and rely on myself!!! before i was never able to do that, and now today i am developing into a stronger, smarter, and more proactive person!
this is my ode to Gold....i cant wait to do it again!!!!
New Year...New Color...New Experience!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The World Around Me
On my journey to self-identity I have found that it is important to surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. There are a few close people that have done that for me this past spring quarter and summer. I am so grateful to have them in my life. It’s just so amazing to see how complete strangers can become such good friends over a few months. Seriously I feel like I have known these people my entire life. It sucks that a lot of them are graduating or have graduated. I wish I would have known them sooner and made more of a connection. But to that affect, I feel like I got close to these people so quickly because of the time crunch. Subconsciously I knew that we only had a few precious moments together therefore I had to work quickly and break my own walls rather than have those people break them for me. The dynamics of my life thus far have changed so dramatically and they are definitely for the better. I don’t know how much I can stress that SPOP has saved my life. It is because of the people I have met, that I am alive today. Not being suicidal or anything but more metaphorically, I haven’t felt alive for so long, that I have been a shell [but I mentioned that already]. It’s really nice to have that group of people who are so accepting. Sometimes I wonder if these people that I have grown to love so much will be around next year. Will they be there for me once we re-enter the real world?
It’s an interesting thought, but I’ve come to realize that the true test happens when we re-enter the real world. Our bonds that formed will be pushed to the limit as society pressures us once more. It’s a pretty scary thought to know that society is waiting for us to return to our “normal” lives because for the past 5 months, SPOP was our normal. Now, we’re about to be swept back up into the current for which we were swimming against for this long. The only difference is, is the hope that the Fantastic memories and amazing moments that we all shared this past summer will be enough to sustain us in our bonds with each other…I hope so!
I thank the people that have surrounded me for 5 months, choosing to share with me their experiences, their stories, their lives, their identities and their love. I hope this is not the end, but the beginning of a new chapter and a new challenge.
It’s an interesting thought, but I’ve come to realize that the true test happens when we re-enter the real world. Our bonds that formed will be pushed to the limit as society pressures us once more. It’s a pretty scary thought to know that society is waiting for us to return to our “normal” lives because for the past 5 months, SPOP was our normal. Now, we’re about to be swept back up into the current for which we were swimming against for this long. The only difference is, is the hope that the Fantastic memories and amazing moments that we all shared this past summer will be enough to sustain us in our bonds with each other…I hope so!
I thank the people that have surrounded me for 5 months, choosing to share with me their experiences, their stories, their lives, their identities and their love. I hope this is not the end, but the beginning of a new chapter and a new challenge.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
...the name of the game is CONFIDENCE...
so lately i've been talking with a lot of people about how things are going with SPOP and how the dynamics are working and whatever...its really cool to hear what other people are thinking and how they look at things...I got to spend some time with Shahirah in the past couple of days[one right before the talent show of Spop 6 and then we went to dinner yesterday]...Shahirah is one of the coolest people I have ever gotten the pleasure to interact with and get close too...If you get a chance seriously approach her or call her up, she sees the world and SPOP in such a different way that it's humbling and eye-opening...she definitely grounded me and helped me to prioritize/realize the life after SPOP...
at dinner we talked about her concerns as a returner in the program and how at this point in her life her priorities are different...I think it is so respectable to realize something like that...I suffer from getting caught up too much in the hype and greatness of SPOP and it definitely has become my life...I told her that it is okay for her to have different priorities because she is already a 3rd year staffer and 2nd year returner, she has definitely paid her dues and passed on her knowledge...I feel like her role now as a returner is not to instill knowledge upon us first years but to guide us in a different way, I honestly think she is here to guide us to life after SPOP, to life after college, she is here to guide us back to our LIVES...I appreciate her so much for helping me to realize this, I definitely need to prepare to re-enter the real world...
I also talked to Shahirah about my role as a staffer/friend and how I think people think I fall into a certain category but really I only act that way because I got placed into that category...Let me try and clarify...I have noticed that I am this DIV type of person who is High Maintenance and demanding, but honestly I'm not like that...I don't know why I act that way when I wasn't raised like that nor do I want to be that way...I feel like people have gotten the wrong impression of me from the beginning...If anything, I want people to remember me as a good staffer, a good person, and a good friend...At the the rate I'm going, I don't know if I will be remembered but I don't wanna be remembered as being High maintenance and demanding. I asked her what I should do to break the stigma...and this is what she said, "SURPRISE PEOPLE! Do something that no one will expect you to do, like if someone expects you to say something DIV, don't do it, just say something nice or nothing at all!"...WOW...I have no idea how I would surprise people, I feel like it's too late in the game to change what people think of me and I'm so used to things now that my comments just come out like "word VOMIT" [LOL]...but yes that was her advice and she's right so I'm going to try it...HA!
There's this other thing that's been on my mind for a while. I feel like I am being forgotten...I really miss the friends that I have made through this program, and I am one who likes to keep my friends close, like if you're my friend, you're my friend for life...AND I like to combine my friends especially if they are all part of the same program...does that make sense? so anyways, i feel like my closest friends from spring quarter have moved on from me and onto newer, better friends...and I know that I have other friends but those friends have other friends they are close with, so basically I'm feeling ALONE....I know right, in a group of 140 people how could you feel alone? I denno it's just a weird feeling...like Spring Quarter I remember people calling me and asking me what I am doing or what was going on at night, and i definitely remember planning a lot of things to do or places to go...Now I find myself asking everyone else what's going on or just sitting at home chilling...I know it's a 2-way street, but it's weird because during Spring Quarter the two-way street didn't exist but now it does...I denno, I definitely miss the old days when we were all just getting to know each other and wanting to hang out with everyone all the time and not just a select few...you know?...I'm just worried because SPOP is almost over and I feel like I'm drifting away from a lot of the people I'm closest too and who have helped me discover more of myself and helped me to be more of myself...it just comes down to my confidence issues and me not wanting to be forgotten...
~PLEASE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME...I'M STILL HERE!~
at dinner we talked about her concerns as a returner in the program and how at this point in her life her priorities are different...I think it is so respectable to realize something like that...I suffer from getting caught up too much in the hype and greatness of SPOP and it definitely has become my life...I told her that it is okay for her to have different priorities because she is already a 3rd year staffer and 2nd year returner, she has definitely paid her dues and passed on her knowledge...I feel like her role now as a returner is not to instill knowledge upon us first years but to guide us in a different way, I honestly think she is here to guide us to life after SPOP, to life after college, she is here to guide us back to our LIVES...I appreciate her so much for helping me to realize this, I definitely need to prepare to re-enter the real world...
I also talked to Shahirah about my role as a staffer/friend and how I think people think I fall into a certain category but really I only act that way because I got placed into that category...Let me try and clarify...I have noticed that I am this DIV type of person who is High Maintenance and demanding, but honestly I'm not like that...I don't know why I act that way when I wasn't raised like that nor do I want to be that way...I feel like people have gotten the wrong impression of me from the beginning...If anything, I want people to remember me as a good staffer, a good person, and a good friend...At the the rate I'm going, I don't know if I will be remembered but I don't wanna be remembered as being High maintenance and demanding. I asked her what I should do to break the stigma...and this is what she said, "SURPRISE PEOPLE! Do something that no one will expect you to do, like if someone expects you to say something DIV, don't do it, just say something nice or nothing at all!"...WOW...I have no idea how I would surprise people, I feel like it's too late in the game to change what people think of me and I'm so used to things now that my comments just come out like "word VOMIT" [LOL]...but yes that was her advice and she's right so I'm going to try it...HA!
There's this other thing that's been on my mind for a while. I feel like I am being forgotten...I really miss the friends that I have made through this program, and I am one who likes to keep my friends close, like if you're my friend, you're my friend for life...AND I like to combine my friends especially if they are all part of the same program...does that make sense? so anyways, i feel like my closest friends from spring quarter have moved on from me and onto newer, better friends...and I know that I have other friends but those friends have other friends they are close with, so basically I'm feeling ALONE....I know right, in a group of 140 people how could you feel alone? I denno it's just a weird feeling...like Spring Quarter I remember people calling me and asking me what I am doing or what was going on at night, and i definitely remember planning a lot of things to do or places to go...Now I find myself asking everyone else what's going on or just sitting at home chilling...I know it's a 2-way street, but it's weird because during Spring Quarter the two-way street didn't exist but now it does...I denno, I definitely miss the old days when we were all just getting to know each other and wanting to hang out with everyone all the time and not just a select few...you know?...I'm just worried because SPOP is almost over and I feel like I'm drifting away from a lot of the people I'm closest too and who have helped me discover more of myself and helped me to be more of myself...it just comes down to my confidence issues and me not wanting to be forgotten...
~PLEASE DON'T FORGET ABOUT ME...I'M STILL HERE!~
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