This 10 Day challenge is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought! It's only the first day!
1.Mom and Dad! Thank you sooo much for bringing me into this world and for providing me with all the love and support anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for accepting my faults and weaknesses. Thank you for everything I ever needed in life and knowing me, even better than I know myself. I am sorry for those times I failed and let you down. I'm sorry for the times I have disappointed you. I am sorry for the times I scared you. I am sorry for making stupid mistakes. Just know that everything I do in life is to make you happy and proud. I live for myself knowing that I am making you smile. I wake up everyday thanking God for having two of the most loving, understanding, accepting, and amazing parents in the entire world. I love YOU both soooo much!
2.Rocky! It has been almost 8 years since you passed. I feel sooo guilty for not going to the vet that day to say good-bye. I regret that moment in my life every day. You were the greatest companion our family could have ever had. I never realized it until after you were gone but we were sooo lucky to have you in our lives. Although you had to stay outside, you were always there. No matter what room we were in, we could look out the window and see you bushy tail, cute face, and purple tongue watching over us. I miss hearing the jingle of your chain collar bouncing happily around the backyard. I miss your soft fur and warm breath sitting next to me and sometimes lying in my lap on those hot summer days. I miss your excited bark whenever a "stranger" would approach the house or whenever you would hear us coming up to the front door. I miss knowing that no matter what you loved us every day of your life and despite if you got loose, you would always come back home. I'm sorry for not being a good master to you. I'm sorry for taking your for granted. I'm sorry for not always taking you on those long walks that you loved so much. I'm sorry for being selfish and put my tv time before your needs. I'm so sorry for not being there for you when you were ALWAYS there for me. I love you boy and I always will. Thank you for teaching me true loyalty and love. You truly embody man's best friend!
3.Kassie! Sister....god you piss me off sooo much! I feel like we have been hanging out too much together and so we are getting on each other's nerves more and more. I can't remember when we had a day where we didn't have some sort of fight. That means we fight a lot. I really hate when we fight. It makes me sad and yet I can't help but fight with you. Even though we fight soooo much I don't worry about us. You have always been there for me, especially in these past few years. I love you sister and I can't tell you enough how proud of you I am. There isn't anyone in this world who is more different than me and yet we are still so similar. You constantly push me to improve and make myself better. Sometimes it's annoying because you make me feel like I am not good enough but it is okay, I know you just want what's best for me. I just want you to know that I am trying to be better :D
4.Erin! I fucking miss you...you DB! I can't believe you just up and left your life here in Cali! how dare you!!!! It's been a long time since I have felt alone! Probably since my 1st or 2nd year in college! I wanna thank you for being one of my closest friends for the past 2 years. Never have I met someone so like me and so naturally fitting into my life. I feel like we just fit together and for some unknown reason you get me and we work. I have learned sooo many things from you....some good and some well not bad...haha jk jk! I really hope God brings us together again! It is really crazy how I don't get to see you everyday of my life anymore. I feel lost a little bit in the sense that I have to think for myself now that you are gone. When we were together I felt comfortable knowing that I had you to back me up or give me insight into the decisions that I made. Now I just go into things blind and prep for the worse while hoping for the best. You have really helped me grow in the sense that I stand by what I do, what I say and how I feel. I know my strengthens and I am aware of my weaknesses BUT I am not afraid! Thank you for making me strong!
5.Brandon, I don't know what happened. I feel like our friendship was a complete lie. I think going on my 5 years in college, you were the one person that hurt me the most. It wasn't easy calling someone my best friend [because I never had any] but you were the one person who took that meaningful title from me and threw it away. I thought we would be friends forever, regardless of our other involvements, but it didn't work out that way and now I just feel like I have this empty spot in my heart that won't fill. I am sad that the friendship that started in Selva our freshman year was not strong enough to last to the very last moment of UCI. Sometimes I blame myself for letting it all go to shit and for being the social pariah that I was. 2nd year was the hardest year for me and you knew that but for some reason it didn't work. Maybe I was too much of a burden for you to be friends with? I mean really, why did you need me when you had your "normal" friends. I forgive you Brandon for deserting me in my time of need. I forgive you for leaving me "to die in the street" when never once did I abandon you. To be honest, I probably will never be able to fully forgive you for being a lousy friend, BUT I am thankful for knowing you. I am grateful to have known that there are selfish people in the world. I am grateful for the fact that I was let down when I was because it was up to me to lift myself back up. I hope you got what you needed out of college and I hope get what you want in life. I hope that I was the last person you ever let down so that no one would have to know my struggle. Thinking back I realize that we wanted different things from our college experiences. I wanted to make a difference, change lives and influence the future. You just wanted to go through the motions and I hope that worked out for you. I truly hope that our paths do not cross again, because I am a better person for it. You taught me so much. You taught me weakness, sadness, loneliness, and self-loathing. Thanks to you I will never have to know those ever again!
6.EA and CW...My BIG BROS! haha There really isn't to much to say here really. We are just US. I joined SigEp because of you. I felt like I belonged somewhere because of you. I finally got the older brothers I always wanted but never had through the both of you. Thank you! The only time I was ever mad at you was last summer, but thankfully everything worked out. One of you never did apologize for that but then I figure, it's just how you are...emotions aren't your thing. I wish we could have all been RAs together, that would have been a really fun experience, plus because I was a really good one! haha just kidding...I owe a lot of my success as an RA to the both of you. You really helped me overcome a lot of my fears and prepare for a lot of the hard moments. I felt super fortunate to have you there when I didn't get called back for returner. Although I was super sad, it was nice to have my reality tv show come to an end haha! I miss the stupid stuff we would do and talk about like my show haha I miss the LATE LATE LATE night talks we had, the random hangouts and of course the AMBER ALERTS! Thank you for making my college experience even that much better. I can't wait until the day we meet up again!
7.Scott [Lil B] I am proud of you! You have 4 years to improve our legacy in SigEp. I wanna apologize for not immediately being a GREAT Big Bro! But I hope you know that I will always be there for you! This isn't goodbye or anything, we still got a whole year ahead of us but I just wanted to acknowledge that you do make me proud. I am so lucky to have you for a lil bro and I really hope that during this year our BB/LB relationship will grow stronger and we will get to be really good friends! I am making a promise right now, this very instant that I will be the best Big Bro you will ever want or have! haha
8.SPOP: Thank you for the greatest 2 quarters of my life! There is no other pride than the one I have for SPOP. Because of the program and the Gold Year staffers I am a better person. Thank you SPOP for giving me something to live for and helping me to start my new life. Thank you for making me feel that I was finally good enough for something. Although I am disappointed with my experiences with the program for the past 2 summers, I am happy to see the positive impact it is making on every future generation at UCI. I am honored to have gotten to know your SpLove and to have felt the Spmagic! I am glad to have the Spmemories and Splaughs and anything else SP...thank you for everything.
9.MESA pro-staff: I put 2 years of endless blood, sweat, and tears into you! I put my heart and soul into your community. I loved you and now I am apathetic. Thank you for again making me feel like I am a one chance charlie! I will never understand what truly goes on behind closed doors but I do know that I busted my ass every day I worked for you. I put my job before myself because that's how grateful I was to get the chance to be an RA. I put 110% every single moment I was in Mesa, even when I didn't get returner I busted my ass. I hope you know that I was one of the best RAs you could have ever had and no one had MORE love than I had for my residents, my hall, my maintenance staff, and the community. My only hope is that in the future you do not let your personal feelings about someone overshadow the job requirements they fulfilled. I hope that you do not punish the future residents from missing out on a great role model, because you are too insecure to address the strong candidate and voice your concerns. I wish you had given me the opportunity to grow and learn from my "mistakes" or at least make me aware of your feelings like you did with the fail of a returner you had last year. I find it completely hypocritical to have allowed that person the opportunity to improve and yet she still failed and with me you did not give me a chance whatsoever. I guarantee you that I would have been an amazing returner and I would have taught the new staff soooo much. But no, you kept it political and corrupt. You missed out on a great staff member and I just hope you realize that! Thank you for fueling my drive to be AMAZING. Thank you for solidifying that working for housing is what I really want to do and when I get to the top, I will prove you wrong!
10.SELVA: I am truly blessed to have such amazing residents like you! Thank you for making me feel successful as an RA when I know that I could have and should have been better! I love you all so much and could not have asked for a greater group of people to work with! I wish you all the best in your future endeavors and I hope that we will be in touch because you know that if you ever needed me I will be there for you!
HOLY CRAP! I didn't realize that this is how my list would turn out! this is unedited. I just wrote and wrote and wrote. I have the opportunity to change my writing right now but I don't want to deny you the full experience into my being! haha enjoy :D
