Saturday, June 19, 2010

nervousWITHanticipation

This whole week of "summer vacation" I received has nothing but a prolonged instance of my inevitable. I move into VDC Norte in a few hours to start my final phase of life here at UCI. I'm nervous. I haven't lived in an apartment in 2 years. The last time I did it was the worst experience of my life. What will my roommates be like? Chill? awkward? hard to live with? I hope they are CHILL! I really wanna get a long with them and even come out of this experience not only as roommates but as friends. Mike Um will be a good roomie I think, I just wish he would move in ASAP instead of in August.

I start training on Monday...what will my new team be like? I just gotta make sure I give off the right impression, dependable, assertive, team player, positive, and fun. All the qualities about me that I want people to see. *NOTE to SELF...stay away from the DRAMA!*

Good luck me!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

That's what I call a finale...waiting for reality to set in

2 days left in the year and it was nothing short of surprising and dramatic! Literally 4 hours after my latest blog the RA staff received an email...."Dear RAs, effective immediately _____ will no longer be with us. _____ will have no RA for the last 2 days , please take extra care to patrol the hall during rounds. Thank you for your hard work".

I was at dinner with my usual crew and burst out in disbelief! The instant commotion and concern kept my adrenaline PUMPING. We all could not believe it...Would they really do that with 2 days left...text text text text text...THEY REALLY DID IT! Initially I was very sad. We started this year a team of 29 and we end with 28...granted WE as a team were not best friends, did not spend every waking moment together, but we did have a mutual respect for one another. Thinking about the situation a little bit more, I understood that it had to be done. People make decisions that are not good for themselves and the team, decisions that in fact go against what we stand for as RAs, it wouldn't be right to give someone a slap on the wrist for something that is not conducive to our cause.

Although this came as a surprise to our team, we all knew that deep down it was for the best. We finished our dinner at Red Robin and headed back to Mesa. This night was also Erin's Last in Irvine, so it was kinda of sad. Natasha and I bought her some going away presents and made a cd for her of songs to remember us by. we also made our way around mesa to hand out hall glasses...we ended up catching a party in lluvia, the beginning of many...when the glasses were handed out and the conversations were said n done, ERIN wanted one last trip to DENNYS so we went. It was a lovely time...got to see our favorite waiter Mohammed haha

we got back to mesa at around 2:30pm...as i walked back to my hall, I ran into duty and they informed me that they just came from writing up 3 parties in my hall [FUCK!!!].

They told me the situation and I made my way back. I ran into some residents who were there, they told me the situation and of course I had to do something to fix their mistakes. Needless to say I was pissed! how could they be soo fucking stupid/irresponsible?!?!? Not only was it a fiasco dealing with my residents, one of their friends damaged MY hall! A bulletin board was ripped off the wall and bent, 2 exit signs were broken [one broken off the wall], this was the fuel to my fire of rage. I wanted to cry, I really did...it was 5 in the morning, I had a final at 8am and all this crap was happening...I sent an email expressing my disappointment, anger, and embarrassment. I received many apologies from my residents but at the time I couldn't truly accept them. I was exhausted emotionally mentally and physically from the entire year!

I woke up to the calls and shakes of my residents the next day, "Kar, you have a final at 8...wake up!!!" Holy shit what a great way to start my day...got to my final 30 minutes late [better than not showing up at all]...i just hope i pass the class! I cant stand going to school every single day of the week!!! Anyways, the whole day was bittersweet, talking to my supervisor, Chris, helped a lot though. I just talked to him about how much I blamed myself for the incident and how embarrassed I was. He reassured me that I did the best job I possible could with the year and in the end residents will do what they want to do. He told me that the situation will get resolved and that I should just take the time to rest. My parents came to visit Friday as well. Hanging out with them helped me get a mini escape from the night before. Just spending the day with my family was really nice. Erin also left that day and instead of seeing her face to face we decided a phone call bye would make it less painful...that night consisted of hanging out with residents and reminiscing on the year.

Saturday move out day had arrived, quite unexpectedly actually...as the last few residents made their way out of the hall, i sat around trying to be productive and trying not to be sad. one by one they we said our goodbyes and quite literally as 12pm hit, the doors were unpropped and SELVA 2009-2010 was closed. The feeling of never having to open that door again to a resident was a little strange and a bit anti-climatic. I thought a huge wave of emotion would plunder of me and yet i just stood there for a bit, watched the last few cars drive out of my lot and went back to my room...empty. i sat on my couch prolonging the packing process by watching tv and youtube until i had to do a follow up meeting at 2pm.

We heard the final speeches from pro-staff, avoided some tears and received final instructions for our move out. Some of us went to the housing office to return and exchange keys. I handed out the glasses I wanted to give to a few pro-staffers and then walked out. I met Ashlee outside of Ondas where she was waiting for me. We walked toward Selva, slowly in hopes of prolonging the inevitable goodbye. We stopped, I looked at her with tears in her eyes and she started to say goodbye..."This sucks" she said, "This is something great. You don't leave something great to go back home, you leave home for something great". I hugged her tight not wanting to let go because she was my friend, one of the few whom I let into my guarded person this year. I cried trying to reassure her that this wasnt goodbye that next year is only 3 months away. She thanked me for being there, for being the one person she could count and rely on. I kept crying. We embraced again, one last time before she had to go and finish her last minute packing. I told her to change lives this summer and I would see her real soon. With that, we made our tearful departure from the comfort of each other.

So that's it! The season finale of [THE VINE]. It has definitely been a roller coaster of a year and nothing short of dramatic. I truly enjoyed my years in MESA and I am going to take away a lot of memories and life lessons. I will be starting off a new life, [maybe a new show? haha jk], in VDC Norte and I am a little bit terrified of what I am going to experience over there and how life will be different, especially for my last year! I guess we will find out!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The [REALITY] to my life

So I came up with this concept in high school about how much life should be a reality TV show! I was watching shows like LAGUNA BEACH and I thought to myself DAMN I could do that! My show would be sooo legit and so full of DRAMA...oh the high school days.

Before you read any further, please forgive this ridiculousness that you are about to endure! I have an overactive imagination and I just let it run wild with this idea. A lot of things are vague [like the DRAMA] only because it involved more than just me. this is just like an overview of my year but in REALITY TV SHOW terms.




I applied that same concept of REALITY TV to my life these past two years working in mesa...my show is called...[THE VINE]....I know cheesy but its perfect for REALITY TV...When I started working in Mesa I was sort of a secondary character. My position in housing was definitely not one for prosperity or recognition. The first season started out with the 08-09 RAs as main characters, specifically EMAN curtis JESS van PAUL and the rest of their friends [i dont really know too much details] You could say I was promoted to a regular cast after about FALL quarter when I joined SigEp. I became more apparent and familiar Eman and Curtis' lives and we started to hang out more and more. Of course I had Erin and Natasha by my side as well and they were more regular secondary characters as well, in my life. what would any good show be without lots of drama and last year there was a crap ton of it; only, because there were 2 separate groups essentially we were all dealing with our own issues and only came together at night times to talk about them over hookah and tv.

The VINE was solidified for a second season when Erin, Natasha, and I got RA for 09-10. It opened up a new plot, new characters, and of course new drama. The end of season 1 was bittersweet but also exciting. I had to say goodbye to a lot of good friends but I was looking forward to starting a new chapter and piloting my own "show". In the finale we saw 08-09 RAs say their goodbyes and see ya laters and watched as Eman Curtis and I moved into a summer house with one of our fraternity brothers.

Season 2 starts off at the end of summer with me saying goodbye to Eman [my big bro] as he drives off towards Norcal and then saying see you soon to Curtis as he packs up and moves back home to Diamond Bar. I pack up my things into my Corolla and head down Culver back to Mesa. I get to the Housing Office, pick up my keys and open the door into my new home with a sigh of excitement. This season started out with a bang in that the new team started getting to know each other really well. Erin and Natasha made their appearances as main characters as well as NEW characters Ashlee and Shaun. This season brought back a few familiar faces from the 08-09 team our 3 returners Jmah, Frances, and Boggy, but Jmah was the only one of the 3 who was Main casted. There were also secondary characters who jumped between secondary and main throughout the whole season, whom I was able to get pretty close to; Danielle, Josh, Max, Gwendy, Graham and Ryon. And just like that, Fall quarter started. The first few bits of "drama" would probably be individual dramas within each of our own halls and during hall meetings. It was the first time I think all of us realized that this job was more than what we thought it was going to be and yet we still bonded. This year has had it's fair share of DRAMA and FALL Quarter was definitely the beginning. It set the precedent for this LEGIT season of [The VINE]. This year brought back a really important character from last season as well. Curtis went from main cast to main secondary supporting cast. He was definitely my anchor to the past and that person in the show who provided unbiased insight.

When I didn't get cast for Season 3 of [The VINE] my heart was pretty much torn out of my chest. It was definitely a dark part of the show and captured a different side of me that a lot of people don't see. Erin and Jmah wouldn't be returning to the show either because she was graduating. Natasha and Ashlee also were not asked to remain on the show. It was definitely a sad time in all of our lives. If you didnt catch it [we didn't get returner]. This left the show open-ended and allowed for a revamping of the cast. Ryon Graham Josh and Danielle were all resigned to the show with Ryon Josh and Graham becoming main cast and Danielle the option to float between secondary and main. I'm not too sure about what next season has in store and who is new cast and what not but it is definitely sad to see this season HAVE to end.

Season 2 went on a little bit of a hiatus for a few weeks after some lingering drama was squashed at the start of Spring Quarter. When it returned, the more cynical Kar and Natasha returned. Shaun became more of a secondary character and we were able to see Gwendy, Ryon, and Graham more often. Ryon and Graham were incorporated more into the series since they were becoming main cast. We also saw a lot more of Curtis as he was the one who kept me sane for the rest of the quarter. It wouldnt be a season finale without more drama. just as we thought this year would end on a good note another conflict arose between some staff members which is pretty much lasting until the end of the season. There have been some amazing times on this show overall. If it were real, you would see a major transformation of me from Fall Quarter up until this moment. It's June 10, 2010 and the season finale is scheduled for June 12, 2010. I have no idea what's in store in the next 2 days but all I know is Erin's last episode is tomorrow and the season ends with all of us main characters going our separate ways. Erin on a plane...Natasha to Middle Earth, Ashlee to Super Camp [Stanford], Jmah to Chapman then Boston, and finally Me to NORTE. Thinking about the end is depressing, I don't wanna say goodbye to my friends. I don't wanna have a montage of this year paying tribute to myself and my friends, I dont wanna move on from my comfortable little life, I just want to stay this way forever [or at least until I get sick of this safe routine].



This season on [THE VINE] was one for the record books. Next year will probably be the 3rd and final season of the show but I am really excited to see how it turns out. Maybe I will get to make some guest appearances on some episodes or be referenced throughout, who knows. I've had a great season and I am really honored to have been able to narrate this season. I kinda feel like LC right now haha or Kristin [but shes a mean beezy and I don't think I was mean] but anyways....thanks for giving into my madness and looking at this nonsense post! I apologize if you are weirded out. I just finished a HARD final and took a break before studying for my 8am FRIDAY LANGUAGE FINAL! wahhh!

I dreamed a dream


It was my dream to become an RA. It was my dream to live in the same residence hall I lived in my first year. It was my dream to have almost 80 different people to make memories with and to share my experiences with. It was my dream to influence change, make change, and be change. It was my dream to be a great RA. Some way and some how my dreams came true!

There are tons of people out there who can't say that they have lived their dreams. Fortunately for me, I am one of the lucky ones who has lived their dream and then some. This has been the most amazing year of my life. I have learned so much and accomplished so many wonderful things. The best way to describe is like being on a ROLLER COASTER. The twists and turns, dark tunnels, highs and lows were enough to make someone puke after one quarter. I endured, challenged and overcame each obstacle all 3 quarters.

the RA job as most people wrongfully assume is not just breaking up parties, doing lame programs, and making rounds. yes that is a large part of the job but there is sooo much more to it than just that. you have to be a chameleon. you have to adapt and change and maneuver your way through each task that life, your residents, other residents, and professional staff throw your way. you have to be smart, on your game EVERY SECOND, you have to be fun, you have to be invested/committed, you have to be balanced, you have to be creative, you have to be a team player, you have to be authoritative. MOST of ALL you have to be READY FOR ANYTHING.

The most valuable piece of wisdom I got from this year and this position is that anything is possible. with your residents and your team there's no IF only WHEN. After being an RA you see everything in the book and then some. You have residents climbing out windows, scouting for duty and then warning their friends, multiple weed calls in a single night, poop in the hallways, pee on the seats and floors of bathrooms, property damage, kids on the roof, smuggling alcohol into and out of rooms, getting bitched at and cussed out for doing your job, getting patronized by cocky residents, having a teammate forget they have duty or forget to pick up duty, team conflicts and major drama, prostaff conflicts and personal drama. all in all you just have to be READY because life happens and there are no instructions for how to deal.

Selva has been my home for 2 out of my 4 years at UCI. The both times I have been here, I have had the most incredible experiences. As a freshman, I was able to take a dip into discovering who I was and determine where I wanted to end up. As a 4th year and as an RA on the other side, I am able to see where I have been and help those take their dip into discovering who they are. So much has happened this year. I have had my ups and I have had my downs but again I realize that I am going to be alright. this year has seen me at my worst but also coached me to my best. And it shows...my best shows through my residents.

It is soooo amazing to see how quickly 9 months goes by but also how much can change and develop in 9 months. I wasn't preggers or nothing like that but I feel like after these 9 long and hard months of "laboring" I have born 76 beautiful, amazing, and legit people into this world. One of my RA friends was telling me a story about my residents a few weeks ago. She was saying how my resident sassed her and how she was "offended". My resident responded, "You can blame my RA for that". That was the biggest and most amazing compliment I have ever heard. Granted it doesnt sound very nice, but my RA friend and my resident were totally joking around, they really get along. When I heard that he has said those words I was truly touched. Never did I think in a million years that someone would "take after me" or be influenced by me that much that they would pick up some of my mannerisms. I did not think I was around enough for my residents to pick up on my little quirks, I always wanted to be around more this year. I didn't think I was that memorable or impactful for my them to see that about me. I loved it!!!



Last week was my HALL BANQUET. Literally most stressful day of my life. I was running all over the world trying to get everything ready and perfect for the big night and of course, since my life is not perfect, everything was going wrong. I was running late, really late and things were not going my way. My resies were anxiously awaiting for the festivities to begin, all dressed up and looking fabulous. With the grace of the Lord and the help of two of my closest friends, I was able to set up the room. I ran back to my hall to change, 7:45pm my event was to start at 7pm. I got to my front door and I had to stop and catch my breath. THEY ALL LOOKED AMAZING. I was so touched that they would really put effort into looking nice and presentable as well as just show up...for me! I did a literal quick change [5 minutes max] and we headed back to the banquet room. I gave a little speech and covered some brief closing details and thanked them for an amazing year. We ate catered PANDA EXPRESS [well they ate, I was so pumped with adrenaline, I forgot about being hungry]. the banquet wasn't as all out and crazy as maybe some of them thought it to be, but it was really nice to see everyone smiling, taking pictures and enjoying our last times together. I even got to take some pictures with a few residents whom I thought hated me a year! They went back to SELVA and I cleaned up. I also handed out all their presents [custom mixing glasses] which I think they really appreciated. I finally ended the night with a lil midnight adventure to an undisclosed location, which did not turn out as well as I thought haha! let's just say what happens underground stays underground! haha anways...We as a hall were riding high!







The thought of this year wrapping up saddens me deeply!