My life is...AMAZING right now! cool and relax with a whole lot of FUN!
TENd!
The one confession that I wanna make is....that I push people away. I push people away because I don't love myself as much as I should. Sometime I live in this "fantasy world" where I believe that true friendship and true love exists and that in order for it to be real, I constantly test those people around me to see if they truly value me as a friend and to see if they really "love" me as a person or care enough to want me in their life. I push to the point where they just get fed up. I want someone to love me so much only because I don't know how to love myself. It's hard for me to realize that not everyone is like me and values friendship in the same way that I do. My insecurities are so strong that I am constantly evaluating, examining, reevaluating and reexamining every step I take. I expect so much out of myself and out of others that it has come to a point where I find myself not good enough for anyone and thus I push people away. I find that because I hurt myself so much I close myself off so that no one has the chance to hurt me more than I hurt myself. To wrap it all together, I hide behind a smile so that no one will see my pain. I am so good at what I do that I accept it and push through it.
No comments:
Post a Comment