More Change=Really Amazing!

"Can I come with you tomorrow to pick up your letter, please???"-Curtis
"WHY??? I'm probably not going to get it."- Me
"Do you want me to come with you tomorrow to pick up your letter?"- Eman
"Sure. If you want to."- Me
"Come on please, let us come. I want to be there for you. I want to see your face."-Curtis
"Fine, Whatever. If you want to see me cry."-Me
"Can I come too? I have to pick up my letter also." - Tim Khuu
"Yeah. Sure. Why Not."- Me

That was the conversation a few nights ago.
I was asked lots of other questions like..."Are you going to be okay, if you don't get it?"..."What are you going to do if it doesn't work out?"..."What are your chances?"..."What are your back ups?"...etc etc.

I had convinced myself that I would be fine, especially after the SPOP decisions had come out. I mean, there was other things I had to focus on. Whoever thought of sending out acceptance letters during finals week FAILS at LIFE. I had URBAN PLANNING at 10:30am, I can't think about RA!!! Too late....I was hooked. Would I really be okay? How would I handle it? Hopefully I handle it better than SPOP decisions. So many questions preoccupying my mind and interfereing with my studies! Oh well...the sudying got finished and all there was to do was wait. I was online at 9:00am, I saw my friend's status "aaaahhhh sooo excited" immediately I knew good news...I im'ed her the congratulations. She thanked me and told me our other friend got it too. DAMNIT I didn't get it....the trend seemed like that they only took 2 CPs and BAM there was two...So Early in the morning...I was sick...literally sick.....I knew I just had to pick up the letter just to hammer the nail into the coffin, but I couldn't. I had a final to take. I couldn;t stop thinking about the decision...walking to my final I was gagging. During the final I was gagging, it was hard to focus. I finished early and got the HELL out of there.

I called up Tim, Curtis and Eman told them to meet me in front of Social Sciences. The whole time I was sitting there...gagging. Ran into Shane while waiting. I tried to control the reflex. Tim showed but couldn't wait. He went ahead and told us to meet him there. Curtis and Eman showed up. I informed them that I was going to be sick. They didn't believe me. I gagged. They believed! The walk from Brandywine to the Housing Office, usually short and sweet, seemed like the longest walk ever taken by man. I walked up, pulled out my id card, received my fate. I brought it back to my bros standing in a group waiting..."Well, Open it." The moment of truth. At first nothing. I couldn't find the letter. No congratulations or unfortunately, only a bunch of papers. Then I saw the CONTRACT! I SCREAMED [probably the loudest scream i have ever done] and LEAPED FOR JOY, into my bros. Kind of embarrassing. actually.

-"Where did you get?"
--"Wait, I don't know."
I didn't even see the letter to see if i actually got it or where i got. I saw the contract just assumed I got it, i didnt care where.
Calm and collected. I filed through the papers one more time. There it was, Resident Advisor in Mesa Court. Salvation, Relief, Excitement, Joy, OMFG, NO WAY! Curtis and Eman confirmed that I got Mesa and I was received with pats on the back and good jobs and congratulations. The people who had just given me my letter, watched the SHOW [it was literally a show]. I couldn't believe it. Complete and utter shock. I was ready to be tested by the Lord one more time. I was ready for one more failure to prove that I had really grown and truly become stronger. HE has given me a new test and a new opportunity. THIS IS MY DOOR.

We walked a few steps towards PIPPIN, my smile EAR-2-EAR. Curtis said, "I'm so happy you got it. Honestly, if you didn't I wouldn't know what to say." "SAME HERE!" I responded. I had to put my letter away, as much as I wanted to keep it and hold on to it and read it over and over, as we walked in. Then the best part. The teasing. OMG, we are with an RA. Oh here comes RA Kar. Wow, you are an RA now! Step aside here comes the RA. You're getting NUBES, I guarantee it. Get ready for your medium sweatshirt. As much as I hated it, I felt so much love and so much support from my BROTHERS, it just added to the overall feeling and attitude of the day. I could not eat! My emotions and mind preparation had already fed me!

I texted my DAD, I knew he had been waiting for decision day since I applied. He texted me his congrats and good job and how poud of me he was. He called to really confirm. I could hear the sense of relief and excitement in his voice. This meant as much to him as it does to me. We went over a few more details, said our goodbyes and hung up.

We finished up and decided to head back to Mesa. I had to suppress my emotions because I knew not everyone would be getting the news I had recieved. I busted out AMBER, the hookah I bought last week, packed a bowl and plopped down in front of the CC at the same spot we always sit. I took out my letter, reading and rereading every detail, making sure that I had read everything right and that I wasn't mistaken. Everything was in order. As they smoked, I read through m papers, Training dates, Contract form, the letter, but best of all, the Hall Theme Preference Sheet. I read through the descriptions and was instructed to pick my TOP 5 themes and write my reason for picking each theme, ready to meet with my supervisor next quarter.

I knew I wanted general interest, specifically SELVA, because of my freshman year. It was my home, my first big challenge, and the place where I built the foundation for my next years at UCI. To me it only seemed right to want to be there again. To come full circle and rememberwho I was back then to who I am now. #1 General Interest, what next? I read through the descriptions again, Diversity [global issues] popped out, instantly #2. With all my experience in SPOP how could I not choose Diversity. I have grown so much and learned so much because of he diverse group of people I met last summer. I figured that in a Diversity hall I could take what I learned from SPOP and what my residents will learn this summer and create some sort of cohesive learning and living environment. I could put into perspective the reality that we are all tiny parts of a machine that amd that we are all needed to make it work. #3 Academic Excellence. I had to do it, for Eman and for Curtis [Barrance and Nubes], as much as I wouldn't want these halls, there is a part of me that wants to start a trend of SigEp Academic Excellence RAs. #4 and #5 I really didn't care. I had written so strongly about the first 3 that I was sure that #4 and #5 wouldn't matter, but I chose Diversity: Advocacy and Visual Arts. I turned in the contract and my preferences, second person to accept.

I hung around the HO [housing office] while Eman picked up duty. The rest of the team was filing in. Watching them all gear up and prepare for another night of rounds and needless calls got me more excited. I was going to be them in months! They gave me words of encouragement and advice, even offered me a crash course. Told me that I would be fine. Talked to me about passdown. So much stuff. Before I did not feel very connected to the RA staff because of the differences in our positions, in fact it's one of the things I am hoping to change next year. During all the talk and advice giving, I instantly felt connected to them. I am going to know how they are all feeling in a matter of months. I will be them in the blink of an eye. Duty was assembled and we headed out, Eman and I back to Barranca, Patrick to Aldea, Meil to Laguna, Jess to Viento and Sean O to Arroyo. Man, next year I will have my own hall. So surreal. I had to take a shower. In the midst of all the excitement, I remembered that I looked like complete SHIT from the night before. I slept in the REC center and went to my final in sweatpants, my night shirt and flip flops that I almost wore a hole through.

The shower felt really nice. I took a cooler one because of how hot it was outside. In the shower is where I really started to reflect and humble myself. WOW!!! How blessed am I to be getting the chance to come back to mesa next year? The MESA COURT pro staff took a chance on me. They believe in me. They wanted me to stay in HOUSING with them. They are allowing me to influence and guide the lives of 60+ strangers. They are entrusting ME, Karmichael Castillo with the opportunity to foster 60+ impressionable young adults for a year, well at least be there from the start and hoping to be there in the end. After my reflection period, I felt cleansed and anew. I have so much to look forward to for the next year.

I ventured back into the heart of mesa aka COMMONS [haha] for dinner. I really didn't know how to act, because I didn't want sad people to feel worse, I definitely knew how they were feeling. I tried to act normal. I think I downplayed it too much. People were asking me what the matter with me was, why I didn't seem as excited as everyone else who had found out that I got it. I explained and they understood. Outside I downplayed the whole ordeal but INSIDE was pure excitment and rapture. It was a HUGE PARTY inside my head. Except for what I have written in this blog, my thoughts and emotions will remain locked within me for the time being, at least until the hype dies down. I tried to study for the rest of the night, but the whole day I was going, I forgot that I was exhausted. My sleep deprivation had caught up to me in the MPR while I was "studying" I passed out, only to be woken up by Jenn Chen, I guess I started snoring, so embarrassing. I gave up the dream haha and headed to the house only to be greeted with more love and more congrats. After a couple games of pong I headed back to my humble abode. I don't really remember what happened after that to be honest. I was just so tired, that I changed, put on my usual sleep tunes, snuggled up under my blanket and into my pillows and...

This blog really has no philosophical insight or tangible substance. It's just an account of my day. My extraordinary, dreams come true, achievement fulfilling unbelieveable day.

My life is about to have More Change and the thought is Really Amazing.
I have 4 more quarters of Mesa Court left and I will be a Resident Advisor for 3 of them!!!

Thank you again to everyone for the support and love. This has been a trying week and I am truly deeply appreciative to have gone through it with you. Many of you have seen me at my worst and now I hope that in these next few months and over the next year you will see the BEST I have ever been!

When one door closes another one opens...I found my door. It was the same one I used before. It was closed, but not locked.

Everything happens for a reason...I found my reason. It's 60+ kids that I have yet to meet.

Numbing needs to hurry so I can move on...I'm not numb and I have not moved on. BUT I am moving forward, full of feeling and life.

Take this summer refocus, God has other plans...I know what I need to refocus on, I know God's plan and I like it.

I am ready for the challenges up ahead. I am ready for the future. I am so appreciative for the opportunity. I feel like a first year staffer again, thanking the coords for picking me and giving me a chance.

I didn't even expect to blog again so soon, but it's so funny how these last couple of days have tied together, especially through my blogs...the waiting period, the disappointment phase, the clarity/acceptance part and now the new CHAPTER excitement. My hunger, passion, and drive have been revived.

Sorry, I am done now. I really need to study. 8AM FINAL gahhh. Thank you for reading [if anyone is reading]

BTWs I started this blog at 2:08pm while working...I'm still at work and it's 4:38pm. 2 and a half hours of blogging. Am I bored? or Did I bursting with excitement? You decide. For me, I choose the latter of the 2 :D!

Happy finals week everyone!