Priorities List

So0o0o0o in the wake of these past 4 or 5 weeks, i have managed put a complete hold on my life outside of SigEp! Mesa Court took a backseat, my family took a backseat, my school didn't even get a ride....my life was consumed...yes only by SONGFEST!!! All day I thought about songfest, how this song sounds, what this dance is supposed to look like, how to pose but act at the same time...the only thing that took me away from it all was my freaking job at UCI EXTENSION. Sitting on ring road for the 5 hours a day was the only escape I received from the intensity of songfest. It sounds really dramatic, but for me personally, songfest was all I could think about. It literally consumed my every being and I guess it was my fault for allowing it to do so. I was literally exhausted from the practices, going putting in 100% every single time, I danced, sang, acted...stepped foot into the room. During the day I slept, trying to recover from the night before, but every night was the same thing and the day after was rest.

I didn't go to school for literally 4 whole weeks and I suffered for it. I am SUFFERING for it. Bren Week was the worst....It was fun hanging out with the cast and stressing together and working through it together but in my other world, the world I was about to go back to after Bren Week things were bad...I got into some deep shit with my supervisor for missing meeting because I didnt give enough notice, I didnt even know we had to give even notice for missing meeting...the email said, "consequences will be administered accordingly." It was another thing that plagued me during the week...Songfest was amazing...definitely didnt regret a single moment or practice...but it was time for me to face the mess I created in my absence.

Going back to life post-songfest was weird....what was I to do with all this freetime, I suddenly acquired so fast? I realized that with this free time, I have to pick up the pieces and put them back together.

My priorities are out of whack! what was a top priority has disappeared, what should be at the top is at the bottom, what is at the bottom is on the side...there was no middle, it is what it is.
I had my 1:1 today....ready for to accept any consequences...it turned out a lot better than what i had expected...I didnt get a write up which I know I should have, but instead I was informed that I need to step up my game [true] because people on the team noticed that I had been dropping the ball. they questioned me, my priorities, my commitment, my character. He used the phrase "absence is arrogance". apparently people think that my MIA-ness is me thinking that I am better than the team because I got RA and that was my only goal. They feel that I havent been doing as much as them and that I dont care about the team. I was hurt. I really took that information seriously and to heart.

Never once in my entire life did I do something just to get ahead. I do things I like because I love what I do...that has always been my drive...Fall Quarter I went crazy, balls to the wall every time, every program, always setting the standard and putting in my 100%. Winter Quarter I decided to purpose activities outside of Mesa and yes I got heavily involved with SigEp but not once did I faulter in my commitment to the CPs, in fact I tried to encourage my team members to grow as leaders and I tried to serve as support system for them to come to for advice or guidance. I dont know or understand what happened this quarter. I purposely chose programs that were at the beginning of the quarter and at the end because of what was happening in the middle. It's not fair. Not once did I ever rat someone out for being MIA. I didnt treat them worse for it either, in fact I recognized the matter and adapted to it. I dont understand why, in my case it is different. I didnt leave the team, never did I think I was better than them because I got RA, I am still humbled in the fact that I got chosen to take part in this opportunity. It really hurts to know that people think that way about me...honestly I am really affected by it but it doesnt matter, I know I will be better for it and learn from it like I always do.

right now i just have to focus and reprioritze:

1- school
2-MESA COURT
3-family/friends
4- SigEp

extension isnt a priority of mine because it is something that i dont have to make a conscious effort to attend to.

Oh LIFE...what a tangled web you weave!!!