Don't FAULT ME...I'm Human

If we get cut, do we not BLEED
If we get scared, do our hearts not race or bodies begin to tremble
If we are sad, do we not CRY
If we are happy, do we not LAUGH and SMILE
If we are angry, do we not scream!
We do these things because we are HUMAN.
We do these things because they are NATURAL.

So please for the first time in 2 years let me be HUMAN, let me be NATURAL, let me BLEED, let me CRY, let me tremble, let me SCREAM!!!!!

I am HUMAN, that is all I am and that is all I claim to be! I apologize to those who read this, I mean no disrespect....I am only HUMAN.

2 years ago I was given this amazing opportunity and 2 years ago my life changed. 2 years has gone by and I am at a stand still. 1 year ago I applied. 1 year ago I was rejected. 1 year ago I felt that I was not good enough, that I wasn't ready, that I didn't deserve it. 1 year passed and the time came again, new year new opportunities right? WRONG! I spent 1 year hoping and wishing and praying and did what I thought was growing and what took me a year was DESTROYED in a few hours! FUCK!

My life is not over, I am still standing, the only difference is that I am coming out HARDER and COLDER. Maybe that's better! This world is cruel, harsh, and full of bullshit! I realize that now and honestly I am better for it! Better late then never!

they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all or BUT I say, IGNORANCE is BLISS! If I had known 2 years ago that the program I fell in "LOVE WITH" and the "PEOPLE I LOVED" would fuck me up in the end I wish I would have never known that love!

They say, try again, you never know next year, I say NO! there is no next year. I am not going to ALLOW ANOTHER YEAR and ANOTHER GROUP OF PEOPLE TELL ME I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH WHEN I KNOW FOR VERY WELL that I AM THE BEST I CAN EVER BE!!!

NO ONE MAKES ME FEEL WORTHLESS. NO ONE MAKES ME FEEL LESS THAN WHO I AM...NO ONE!!!

I'm tired of trying to be perfect for everyone else. I'm tired of living on edge and being afraid to offend anyone! I'm HUMAN and that's all I can ever be!

OBVIOUSLY you can see that TODAY has been a HUGE disappointment for me! But for most of you who have other lives or have been given opportunities, you probably don't care! PERFECT!

I am 1 for 4 today. I was given the opportunity to be an CA in VDC Norte and instead of being excited and proud of myself, I couldn't help but feel like crap because I wasn't good enough for MESA COURT anymore, I wasn't good enough to work as a Summer Conference Assistant, and I wasn't good enough for SPOP. I don't see what Norte saw in me....I guess they didn't speak to the other programs I applied for! I feel like a condom...USED for the GOOD TIMES and flushed for when it's over!

You're probably reading this and are thinking, damn what a selfish motherfucker and I apologize if you feel that way but, I am HUMAN. I put myself into everything I do and when it comes to be that myself isn't good enough, I take it a little personal. But WHATEVER....I need to start caring about myself and making myself feel better becuz for sure no one else will care about me or make me feel better!

FUCKING A man! I hate this feeling! At least I know that I have one year left to enjoy myself, to not live on edge, and to not care about what others think and just LIVE! I am FREE!