true test of the mind, body, and soul

so I'm officially not a SPOP staff virgin anymore!!! Spop 3 was definitely
one for the books........2 All girl halls, a good handful of first time
staffers, and a first time ever singing performance at the Talent Show!!!

i was seriously sooo excited for M.F.O (my first one) i'm pretty sure i
told everyone i could how excited i was.........i tried soo hard to not
have expectations about anything for M.F.O.i heard about 1 and 2 being so
great and i was like awesome spop 3 is going to be great too because we
have a great staff for it and of course ill be there soo itll be perfect
no matter what...boy was i wrong!!!

first my S.A.S had nothing that i wanted, like check-in or ask the
anteaters but whatevs that was nothing........when i come back from making
signs i discover that my hall, PRADO, was 1 of 2 all girl halls!!! i was
sooo shocked, "no boys for me to do suite discussion with?" "FUCK!" i
couldnt believe it, my first one and i didnt even get a group of guys to
discuss with or connect with...i had to team up....such a let down..........
so then i go
to academic advising, that was fun, i got to talk to a bunch of freshman
about my experience taking classes and i got to help them pick out their
schedule.....when lunch rolls around, i see my CP and she says go in there
and talk to them and i ask how they are and she says, "they are going to
be tough to crack." So i go in and right away i spot some so-called TFC girls.
i thought score i can do this lemme try and crack em. the second i sit down,
CRASH and BURN!
these girls were just not having it, i tried doing the small talk and getting them
excited for the res of the
days but nothing worked!!! i was so thrown off of my game that i couldn't think of
anything to say, there was
so much awkward silence that i just wanted to run away and hide under a rock...
finally lunch was over and registration
for classes started, i was safe for a couple of hours doing advising for classes
again....then more time away and to recuperate
with luggage duty...i didn't know what to do...

when i come back from luggage duty....my hall was playing games [the ice breaker
types], i introduced myself and joined in, we played
until i had to leave for early dinner because i was in orientation in 4 acts....
orientation in 4 acts was sooo much fun to do....we got to do mini
skits and stuff, and just fool around.......i think it was sooo fun because we
had really good chemistry among the staffctors [staffers who are actors lol]
so then we went back to the halls, asked the girls if they had any questions,
comments or concerns about Orientation in 4 acts...nothing....then we did cross
the line
it went okay, the girls crossed, and i could see some of them were touched by the
activity....then we went into suite discussions...more silence...at this point kim
and i were just talking
talking about anything...i felt like i was talking out of desperation....it was a
hard read...finally that was over we went to cha, i got to talk to 2 girls while
chilling over there and finally i started to smile
it was cynthia and another girl (i totally forgot her name but i hope i remember
it lol) anyways they were just asking about school and professors and stuff, it was
the conversation i needed to have at that point

sooo when we are about to leave, my spmom Anne comes up with one of my spoppers
and is like yeah she was in puente and i was like OMFG! wow i was shocked i cant
believe it, lone behold it was one of the girls from lunch,
so i talked to her and was like girl why were you in puente?
why dont you like us? you know all i wanna do is hang out with you and you left me!
she was like i was with my friends they are bad, blah blah blah and i was like okay
just promise me you wont leave
again.......she promised [it was an empty one].........we went to the dance
gathering on top of mesa structure and it was chill! at first i was scared cuz
my girls were tough already and things at the structure were not started! i
just wanted my girls to have fun....things started, everyone was having a good time
getting hyphy with karen, then we went down a floor and ran around to
Miss American Pie which was AWESOME!!! we left the gathering and instead
of going back to the dorm...we took the girls on a mini tour

this part was the best....ALWAYS REMEMBER the ROCK GARDEN ...we did photo shoots
with the girls at various spots between the arts school and aldrich! it was a good
time...a time where i thought for sure things would turn around, and for a while it
did.....at the rock garden we opened it up for more comments, but NOTHING!

the next day, i was down on myself because i was feeling like a failure as a staffer,
why didnt these girls open up, am i doing something wrong, how can i be better, why
did the coords do this to me on my first time, why wasn't i ready for this? these
were all the questions racing through my mind before i slept and when i woke up!
on top of all of that the TALENT SHOW was only a few hours away and i wasn't sure i
was ready for it! i was running around all morning trying to sort out my head, what
if i mess up? omg my solo is going to suck! how am i going to save this spop...for
the girls and for myself....am i even doing a good job? i'm definitely not changing
a life this time...
i was talking with a few staffers before the talent show and i mentioned being
down about my girls and HJ over heard, she pulled me aside and gave me a pep talk........
she brought me to the side and asked me the deal....i told her how i felt down and out
...then she told me that she was sad to hear that i was down because the last thing
the coords ever want to do
is make someone feel upset.......she told me that it was going to be okay and that
maybe i learned from this experience...she was right........gosh hannah johnson is
so wise!!!!
i couldnt help but feel better after that convo......now all i had to worry
about was my talent show performance!
first Spopstar, that was soo much fun, then i got to rest during spimprov,
then spopapella! OMG sooo much nerves, sooo much adrenaline...spop-a-cola...then
hard to say goodbye [chris cialeo first, david duran second, patricia lee third,
then.....me]
OMG soooo crazy i was terrified and i opened my mouth, i dont remember a thing
if i was good or bad but all i know is that people cheered and it was over!!!!!
still terrifying but i did it and it felt good!

after the talent show, we went back to the hall, we played the touch game...
first i didnt think i would get touched at all because it seemed like the girls
didnt like me.....but when i was getting touched i realized that i did stand out
to them...maybe they weren't the talkative bunch and weren't super outgoing like
other halls but what i did really mattered to them, and i didnt need them to show
me that what i was doing mattered because they saw it.
the touch game helped me realize that i was wrong, and that my girls really did
like me!
we closed and i told them how much it meant for me to staff a hall like theirs
because it was an all girl hall, it was my first time, and it was that much of
a challenge for me [but i didnt tell them they were a challenge]
the girls left after we took our hall photo and i was left with a feeling of
contentness......yeah i didnt get a first time hall like most other staffers did
but i got something better...i got a hall full of challenge and potential....a got a
hall that made me a better staffer, i got closer to 6 people who experienced the
same challeneges i did, and i got over one of my greatest fears, while doing
something that i love doing.

Much love for the Pearls of Prado!

when we closed the hall with the staff, we talked about our challenge as a
whole and we all agreed that it made us better.
I learned sooo much from this first experience...i learned not to let the
TFC kids get me down and focus more on the ones that appreciate what i'm doing....
i learned to love myself for me [i've been learning this for forever!!!]...
and i learned more about 6 beautiful people and how amazing each and everyone
one of them are!!!
i was told that i was going to change lives, little did i know, this experience
CHANGE mine!!!

if it wasn't for these 6 people, i wouldn't have had this life changing experience!


Mel...my CP...thank you sooo much for being such a great and fearless leader!!!
our hall was tough but you were always positive about everything and you never
stopped encouraging us to have fun! you made my first experience amazing!

Karen...i am sooo glad that i got to staff with you...you made everything soo
much easier for me...i was so surprised at how comfortable i was with you which
helped me enjoy myself so much more!

Layla...i knew i wanted to get to know you better and hang out with you
and staffing with you for the first time killed both of those birds with one stone!!!
you are soo amazing...you wisdom, insight, easy going attitude, and pure
love for life really helped me persevere....thank you soo much for the pep talks
throughout the two days!

Krystal...i am sooo jealous of your beauty...it is ridiculous.....
thank you soo much for your support from the sign making to the general talks
about the days...i am sooo lucky to have staffed with you my first time!!!

Kim...my co-suite discussion leader...i remember seeing you talking with the
girls for the first time at lunch and it just seemed to come sooo easy and
natural for you...i strove to be more like you in your staffing ways the whole
program!!! you are an amazing staffer and whoever gets in a hall with you next is
UBER lucky!!!

Roger...it was an honor to get to staff with you for your first time as a staffer...
your insight and wisdom really helped me keep an open mind...thank you soo much for
just being there and for being a great returner!!! you are going to be an amazing CP!

this first one was a learning experience from the start...
i have grown soo much and i hope that i will be ready for the next one...
SPOP 4 here i come and i'm not taking any prisoners!!!!!